Dealing with the Crazy Ups and Downs of Emotional Abusers

There are some people in this world that no matter how strong you think you are, they will continue to beat you down emotionally one thing at a time. Sometimes we stick around because we believe we can help them become a better person. Other times we stick around because we believe them. Many times, we have no idea why we remain in a relationship with an emotional abuser.

When I refer to emotional abusers, I’m talking about the type of person who never takes responsibility and continues to blame everyone but themselves for anything bad that is going on in his or her life. If they can’t get away with pointing the blame on someone else, this type of person will deny the event ever happened. Often times, he or she can be so convincing that you start to doubt it as well.

One thing that is certain is that they will drain the energy right out of you. One minute everything is great and then the next minute they’re lashing out and you have no idea why. One moment you can be on the exact same page and the next moment, they are doing the exact opposite and you don’t understand why the sudden change.

This type of person demands to be liked and respected but they often don’t know how to gain respect. This can lead to many situations like divide and conquer where they try to turn people against each other. Other times they may take a situation and create drama out of nothing and tell you that ‘so-and-so’ said all these bad things about you. Basically, they make themselves appear to be the hero in a story, except that the story never truly happened. By playing the good guy role against the bad guy, they try to manipulate your respect by shattering the respect of someone who actually deserves your respect.

Emotional abusers love playing the victim. In their mind, everybody is out to get them and they don’t understand why. In their mind they’ve done nothing wrong.

Here’s a great and real life example, “If you’re mad about something I said in email or text, it wasn’t me. My email was hacked and getting used. My cell phone has been copied and being used for text messages. None of that was coming from me.”

At first you might be fooled. But then you start to go through your texts and emails and realize that there is no way that those didn’t come from him/her. The verbiage and style is too hard to replicate by some outside person. Plus, how do they explain the video messages? Was this ‘hacker’ also a body double? Come on!

One thing you need to understand is you can’t change this person. They aren’t going to change unless they want to change. But the problem is, they don’t see themselves as the problem. In their mind, everybody else is the problem. So, understand that these ups and downs are not going to go away and staying in a relationship with someone like that is only going to drive you insane.


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